PG

Aphorisms

1. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

3. The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

4. What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, "The New York Times"

5. Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

6. With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. -- Ransom K. Ferm

7. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

8. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

9. The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

10. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry

11. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

12. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James

13. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum

14. We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again---and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain

15. There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

16. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry

17. I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls. -- Editor of the Limerick Times (Limerick, Ireland)

18. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

19. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

20. 668: The Neighbor of the Beast

21. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips

22. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

23. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones

24. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams

25. As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. -- Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney

26. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom y