Things You Would Love to Say at Work


I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
I don't work here. I'm a consultant
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying
Ah--I see the screw-up fairy has visited you again
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
Thank you. Now, we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

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